Wishing me ill

When I look back at pictures of me when I was a child I can see that I was not fat. I was taller and bigger than the other girls in my class but I wouldn’t have considered myself to be fat. Well, not that fat. I was strong and athletic and healthy.

My mother, however, thought that I was too big for my own good. She would give me less food than she gave to my extremely skinny brother, and would say no when I asked for seconds. “Do you really need more food?” she would ask. When I was 12 she took me to the doctor to be put on a diet, which consisted of meal replacement cookies. When that didn’t work she took me to another doctor who ran all manner of tests to see if something was wrong with me. Nothing was. These days she pretty much leaves me alone because she knows how I feel about dieting and body image.

I don’t blame my mom for her behaviour at all, that’s what happens when you live in a society that views fat people as defective. But I wish she wouldn’t have wished me ill.

When we were kids one of my cousins came down with a really bad stomach virus or food poisoning. She was very sick for a couple of weeks, so of course she lost weight. My mom said to me, “You need what she has so you can lose weight too.”

That statement never sat well with me. Why would you wish someone ill? Can you think of any other circumstance that wishing someone ill would be appropriate? If you’re concerned about my “health,” why would you want me to get sick?

Why would you risk the self-esteem of a little girl by letting her know that you think she looks horrible so she should become sick if it will help her to look “better?”

I was just as appalled to see a friend’s Facebook status recently. She became ill and I believe she is having her gallbladder removed in the next few weeks. Her status was along the lines of, “One good thing about being sick is that I’ve lost 23 pounds in 2 weeks.” Really??

I had food poisoning back in January, and weight loss was the last thing on my mind. The first thing was “How did I get this,” and “I feel horrible and I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.”

I strive to not be sick. Thank goodness I no longer buy into this madness.

Fat acceptance and breast reduction surgery

I would like to hear from any fat acceptance advocates who have had breast reduction surgery, or anybody who has an opinion about it.

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my surgery. I had wanted this surgery for many many years due to pain and discomfort, but also for aesthetic reasons, and because of reactions from other people. Women’s bodies seem to be game for any and all public comments. I had been putting up with stares and rude comments from people since I was 11.

I had the surgery and I’ve never felt better. I don’t have any more pain in my neck and shoulders, it’s easier to do my job and to exercise.  Hell, it’s even easier to sleep and breathe. People don’t stare and make rude comments anymore. I don’t pay a fortune for bras anymore. This surgery isn’t right for everybody but I don’t regret my decision in the slightest.

Now, just bear with me while I ramble to myself. I am a full believer in fat acceptance. I believe that there is too much pressure on people, women in particular, to be thin by any means necessary. I don’t believe that all fat people are going to keel over and die by their 30th birthday (yes, I do know fat senior citizens). I believe that weight-loss dieting is often counterproductive to achieving health. And I feel that acceptance is the one of the keys to health and happiness.

But what do you do if parts of you make you genuinely uncomfortable, in a physical and/or emotional way?

Are fat acceptance and breast reduction surgery compatible? I wouldn’t dream of having surgery to reduce my stomach or my legs. But my chest just felt too big, too uncomfortable. It’s not the same as weight-loss surgery in my opinion, but it’s something, I don’t know what.

Does any of this make sense?  Does anybody have any thoughts?

Fat Acceptance Greatest Hits

These blog posts are some of my favourites.  Some of them brought me to fat acceptance.  All of them keep me here.  Thanks to all who wrote them for changing my life.

1. The Fantasy Of Being Thin by Kate Harding.

“Accepting my fat really wasn’t the hard part. Accepting my personality — and my many limitations that have jack shit to do with my thighs — was. But oddly enough, once I started to do that, my life became about a zillion times more satisfying.”

2.  Why I Blog About Being Fat by Sleepydumpling.

“I want to bring other people the peace that I have found with fat acceptance and positive body image. I want other people to not feel the self loathing and pain anymore, just like I no longer feel them (most of the time!) I want people like me to know they are not alone, and people who’ve battered themselves physically and emotionally for their whole lives to find the calm and peace I am finding.”

3. Thin Privilege, Please Don’t Eat Me! by PDDP.

“When I was fat, I was suddenly “smelly” and “disgusting”. Now that I’m thin again I’m “sexy” and “beautiful”. “Thin privilege doesn’t exist” MY ASS. It does so exist, been there, done that, LIVING IT.”

4. But… But… But…!, and Myth: Fat Always = Overeating by Living ~400lbs.

“Like many teenagers who grew up being told they were too fat, I assumed I was a binge eater, because I wanted to eat more than any diet allowed. I even found myself “binging”, or rather, eating a larger than average dinner, after skipping breakfast and lunch. It was only as an adult that I realized being overly hungry after not eating for 22 hours is not binge eating disorder, that’s natural reaction to not eating.”

5. Fat Hatred Kills part 1, part 2 and part 3 by Thorn, guest posted to Shapely Prose.

“Being fat didn’t kill my mom. What killed her was being too ashamed of being fat to go see a doctor on an even moderately regular basis. What killed her was being so ashamed of her fat that she didn’t advocate for herself when she needed to. What killed her was the message she got, day in and day out, that if she wasn’t considered fuckable by the majority of the population, she didn’t deserve to be treated with dignity or respect. What killed her was a fucking DOCTOR deciding that his Hippocratic Oath didn’t cover fat chicks, and thus my mom’s health wasn’t any of his concern.”

5. Yeah, I’m a Junkie, and a Liar Too and  How Hard Must I “Try” Before You Stop Hating Me? by Meowser, and Weight Watchers Works. For Two Out of a Thousand. (And They Probably Weren’t Fat to Begin With) by Fat Fu.

“But in the blogosphere? Hooboy. Tell people you’re fat and you think “calories in-calories out” is a bunch of oversimplified horsehockey, and it’s like tossing goldfish in a shark tank. CHOMP. No matter what I say, it always comes down to one thing — “you’re not trying hard enough.””

6. The Rules Of Nutrition by The Fat Nutritionist.

“First rule of nutrition: eat or die.  Second rule of nutrition: there are no other rules.”

7. Smaller Fats and Larger Fats: Once More Round the Mulberry Bush by The Rotund, aka Marianne Kirby.

“In short: society treats fat people like crap. This manifests in common ways that most of us experience and it also manifests in more size-specific ways. As a person gets larger, the experience gap grows. This is okay. This is normal. Acknowledging it doesn’t make smaller fats less fat and it doesn’t make larger fats more worthy of some More Oppressed Than Thou crown.”

8. don’t be love-handling me thankyou very much by Bri from Fat Lot Of Good.

“You are jealous because we don’t care. You are jealous because we aren’t slaves to dieting or to the gym. You are threatened because we aren’t running scared from the myriad of health issues you would have us afflicted with. You are threatened because we are ‘bold and sassy and uncowed’. Our attitudes don’t fit into the way fat people should act and that scares the living beejesus out of you because it invalidates what you invest so much time, effort and energy on – striving for that social ideal.”

9. On Thin Privilege by Volcanista, guest posted to Shapely Prose.

“So apparently, if you’re “too thin?” (to live? Clearly not!) – oh well! We know there’s nothing you can do about it (because for some reason, THAT has entered public awareness, but the futility and harmfulness of weight loss programs have not), and at least you aren’t fat (because while my BMI category may have the highest mortality rate, at least the movies say I’m sexy!). And while “Put some meat on your bones!” may make me want to break a window with my bare hands, it doesn’t even compare with repeated, hateful catcalls of “Whale!” or “Cow!””

10. Exceptions That Aren’t by Fillyjonk.

“Just as a disabled person isn’t a broken able-bodied person, and a black person isn’t a darkened white person, and a woman isn’t a wangless man, a fat person isn’t just a thin person who ate too much.”

11. Last but definitely not least, I can NOT believe we have to have this conversation again by Polimicks.

“What people in Fat Acceptance land are saying is that YOU don’t know why someone is fat just by looking at them. You don’t. You don’t know if they’re on meds, if they fucked up their joints running triathalons and hold a world record from before their joints went south, or if they really do mainline jelly bellies while snorting pure confectioner’s sugar, and throwing darts at pictures of that asshole Jillian Michaels. YOU DON’T KNOW THAT.”

Oh, and Kate Harding’s BMI Project is also brilliant.